


Interstellar Space

by FromDreamstoEmpires



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts, I say as I put Anakin and Obi Wan through hell, M/M, We Hurt The Ones We Love The Most, side eyes emoji or is it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 14:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13683267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromDreamstoEmpires/pseuds/FromDreamstoEmpires
Summary: Obi-Wan will hear about Anakin Skywalker killing Palpatine. It will be years later that Obi-Wan will be sitting at a cantina in some Outer Rim planet when he sees the same familiar blonde curls and blue eyes, but he'll be gone by the time he makes it out the door. Obi-Wan will have the distinct feeling that he won't see him again after that and he smiles because he understands it now. And everytime he looks up at the stars he wonders if Anakin is traveling among them





	Interstellar Space

**Author's Note:**

> " Interstellar space—  
> The distance between two stars,  
> The hole in his heart "  
> -Greg Sellers, haiku journal entry (3 January 2017)

Obi-Wan can pinpoint the moment he realizes that he can't bring himself to kill Anakin. He watches him, blue eyes bright with a mixture of emotions, his breathing heavy, and his knuckles white as he tightens his grip on his lightsaber. Anakin tenses, poised like he's ready to strike at any moment and Obi-Wan knows Anakin won't hesitate to kill him if it's necessary, but Anakin is also aware that if it comes down to it, Obi-Wan won't hesitate either.

Obi-Wan moves first, shoving and pinning Anakin into the wall by his neck, arm pressing just hard enough to slightly constrict the blood flow. His lightsaber is pressed into his former padawan’s side. It's off for but the unspoken threat hangs in the air that if Anakin moves Obi-Wan won't hesitate this time.

It’s an intimate moment between them because he can either kiss him or kill him, and he can see in Anakin’s eyes that he is thinking the same thing.

Obi-Wan does neither. After a long tense moment, he lowers his lightsaber and backs away from him, and somehow knowing that he won't regret his decision.

“Run,” he begs him. “Or else I'll have to kill you.”

Anakin is conflicted as he watches him, Obi-Wan doesn’t miss the way his hand still clenches around his lightsaber. Anakin takes the sight of him in, thoughts about his next move and uncertainty clear in his eyes, while the smell of fire and smoke linger in the air around them.

Finally he smiles and turns off his lightsaber before walking away from Obi-Wan and that force forsaken planet. Obi-Wan’s eyes never look away from his retreating back and his gaze follows him even after he's gone. Obi-Wan gets on his own ship and flees that planet and leaves everything that has to do with Anakin Skywalker behind.  
\--

 

Obi-Wan told him to run.

He ran.

\--

Of course, things don't get better. Obi-Wan is still considered a fugitive and the Jedi are being hunted down by the Empire. He ditches the ship he stole on Mustafar and steals a ship at a random spaceport in wild space in an attempt to keep a low profile and help where he can. He hears about a rebellion being started by Padme Amidala, Bail Organa, and Mon Mothma and he's happy, although he wishes he could be there to help, he knows he's of better use out here. He travels to different planets in the outer rim recruiting where he goes and fighting the Empire when he can. He loses himself in wild space or he finds himself, maybe it's both, but he can't be sure anymore. Either way it changes him, he’s no longer the same person that he was when he left the fiery shores of Mustafar. He finds a new purpose and buries himself in the cause of the Rebellion as he tries to forget about Anakin. He travels to big cities and small ones, trying to run away from the past and from Anakin. He tries to forget him and occasionally succeeds, but inevitably he runs across something that reminds Obi-Wan of him once again.

He hasn’t seen Anakin in years, but he catches bits and pieces of him here and there. He hears about Anakin assassinating Palpatine and he feels pride for him. He finds out that Anakin has been helping the Resistance along with Padme and Bail. Obi-Wan entertains the idea of going back and helping the central cause but he dismisses it, he knows he'll be of more help out here recruiting others and sending them back. He doesn't let himself think about the real reason why he doesn't want to go back, he doesn't trust himself around Anakin or the dreams he has of him at night. Obi-Wan smiles either way but it's broken, sad in a way because he knows he'll only ever hear about Anakin but he'll never see him. ‘He's alright with that,’ he tells himself over and over again, and maybe if he repeats it enough he'll actually start to believe it. 

\--

Sometimes, Obi-Wan sees him in his dreams. He’s back on The Resolute and Anakin is curled around him, naked and sleeping peacefully. His body is covered in bruises and bitemarks, and Obi-Wan is running a hand through his tangled curls. He’s peaceful here and he doesn't want to wake up from this, not when in his dream he can see Anakin, his sweet Anakin who wasn't twisted by darkness yet. He knows that this a dream but he can't help but wish he could stop time and stay in this moment forever.

Anakin’s eyes are still closed when he says, “I can hear you thinking from over here.”

Anakin yawns and sits up, his curls mused from sleep and eyes still hazy with drowsiness. Obi-Wan brushed a hand on his cheek and Anakin leans into it. Obi-Wan can't help but smile at him, this is his Anakin, the one no one else got to see. He pulls him toward him until his head is lying on Obi-Wan’s chest, content and practically purring as Obi-Wan resumes petting him. It's quiet in the middle of the night cycle and the two of them revel in each other's presence before they have to go into battle in the morning.

Anakin breaks the silence when he tilts his face up asks, “Have you thought about what you do after the war is over?” 

Obi-Wan gives him a long, considering look before he answers, “I don't know. I haven't thought about what might happen after the war is over. I suppose we would try to adjust to life as Jedi again.” 

It's a lie, he knows. He's thought about what would happen when the war comes to an end. He's thought about leaving and taking Anakin with him. He's thought about staying and letting Anakin go to live a happy, full life with Padme and a family. He's thought about the two of them staying in the Order and enjoying the peace they’d brought. He's thought about every different scenario and each outcome their decisions may have.

Anakin looks like he wants to say something but he thinks better of it and drops it. Obi-Wan almost asks him what he wanted to say but he's afraid of the answer. Instead, he lets Anakin keep his secrets and listens to his breath even out as he falls back asleep. 

Every time he wakes up from the dream he wishes that he could stay there permanently with Anakin in a time before things went to hell. He wakes up and his thoughts linger on his regret and sorrow. If he had known that would be the last time he would be able to hold Anakin like that, he would have have told him the truth, he would have told him he loved him that he would have chosen him over anything else had he simply asked. He would have done a lot of things differently, he thinks, but it doesn't change the past and it can’t change the future either. He doubts that Anakin and him could mend the wounds they gave each other.

 

\--

He carries a holopic of Anakin with him everywhere he goes. He's at a cantina one night and he takes it out to look at it once again, smiling as he remembers the day it was taken. It was a rare day of leave during the war. Anakin had convinced him to go out into the city that night, and although he was hesitant at first, he couldn't say no to Anakin’s pleading eyes and so he’d relented. Despite his skepticism, he had enjoyed it and it had been nice to let go and enjoy the moment with Anakin, his contagious laughter, and the way he had attempted to keep up with him during their multiple rounds of drinks. But drinking was never one of Anakin’s strong suits and he’d been adorably drunk before Obi-Wan had even been buzzed. He looks at the picture and he wonders how he missed the signs with Anakin.

He's shaken out of the memory when he hears the bartender asks, “Who’s that?”

Obi-Wan turns to look at him, “Excuse me?”

He gestures to the holopic in Obi-Wan’s hands “The guy in the picture you've been looking at it like it holds the answer or something.”

Obi-Wan raises his eyebrows in question as he takes another swig of the bottle in front of him.

The bartender shrugs and continues to pour drinks as he says, “Just curious. Everyone has a story when they come here.”

Obi-Wan smiles and responds, “An old friend”

“Seems like more than a friend from the way you were looking at that photo.”

Obi-Wan starts to deny it before he reconsiders and settles on a non-committal answer, “Something like that.”

He looks at the holopic one last time before he puts it away. It’s better if he doesn't linger on the past too long.

\--

It's a year later when Obi-Wan spies Anakin in a cantina on some Outer-Rim planet that he can’t remember the name of. He sees the same familiar blonde curls and blue eyes, his hands brushing his hair, longer than it’d been the last time he’d seen him, back as he laughs and leaves the cantina. Obi-Wan hands the credits to the bartender before following him, pushing past people on the floor as he tries to make his way towards Anakin. He sees him leave before he can reach him. Obi-Wan calls out, "Anakin!" but he doesn't seem to hear him. He makes it to the doorway and goes outside looking around for him. 

There are too many people in the streets, the crowd too large, for him to adequately look for him. Maybe he’s losing his mind, seeing things that aren’t there, his self-imposed exile driving him to madness. But he would recognize those curls anywhere despite the bit of gray threading through the blonde hair at the temples, those blue eyes despite the shadows they held, like they had seen to many things. How many years has it been since he last saw him? How many times has he imagined seeing him in countless cantinas like this one? He steps back and tries to forget him again. He's been trying to forget Anakin Skywalker since Mustafar. 

\--

Obi-Wan is sitting on the bed with a cigarette between his lips as he runs his fingers through Anakin’s curls. He feels Anakin shift beside him and hears his sleepy yawn as he stretches across the bed with a groan, bringing an amused smile to Obi-Wan’s face. Anakin sits up and smiles drowsily, his curls a mess from sleeping despite Obi-Wan having combed through them with his fingers. It’s a once familiar sight that he hasn’t seen in far too long, begging for Obi-Wan to drink it in again and familiarize himself with it again. The smile doesn’t leave his face as he studies Anakin quietly, committing the new changes to his appearance into memory. Gently, he traces a new scar with his eyes before he asks “Did you always have a scar over your other eye?”

“No,” he murmurs.

Obi-Wan continues to study him, taking in every little detail, noticing little things that makes him look different from his memory. His hair is not quite the right shade of blonde and scars are misplaced; small details that could easily be overlooked to anyone else who wasn't Obi-Wan. His voice isn’t the right tone and his eyes...Obi-Wan would know Anakin’s eyes anywhere and these aren’t Anakin’s eyes. His hand still twitches with the desire to reach out and touch him, to reassure himself that it is Anakin and he’s just suffering from a faulty memory. 

Not Anakin smiles sadly at him and tells him, “You need to wake up, Obi-Wan.”

Obi-Wan wakes up cold and alone with the smell of fire in the air.

\--

Obi-Wan is in the kitchen making dinner in the tiny apartment he’s been renting for a month when he hears the door open and close. He’s barely managed to grab his lightsaber before there’s someone in the kitchen doorway. Whirling around to face the intruder, he almost drops his lightsaber when he sees who it is that’s suddenly invaded him home. Anakin stands before him, looking worn and unsure in the doorway, but his eyes light up when they meet Obi-Wan’s.

“Hello, Anakin,” he says, and oh it feels like coming home.

“Hi,” Anakin responds warmly. There are new scars on his face and both his hands are mechanical, his smile is guarded, a little bit more fragile. He looks at ease and although his voice is warm, his eyes tell a different story and he holds himself with wariness, as if he isn't sure if he's welcome. Obi-Wan offers him a genuine smile before he’s pulling him into a tight hug and he can feel Anakin shaking as tears fall from both their eyes.

They pull away and there's a lot of things Obi-Wan wants to say and he knows Anakin does too, but instead he settles for “Why don't you help me with dinner tonight?”

Anakin comes up beside him, “I’m sorry for making you wait,” he replies. He takes the knife and vegetables and begins to chop them as they’d done a thousand times before. Obi-Wan steals glances and sees the soft smile on Anakin’s face, unable to stop the wide smile on his own face. 

This is exactly how things should be.

 

This is how it will be, Obi-Wan repeats this over and over again in his head. 

Obi-Wan told him to run and Anakin ran.

But the thing is, Anakin never ran because Obi-Wan never told him to. 

This is the way things have to be because Obi-Wan struck Anakin Skywalker down many years ago on the forsaken planet surrounded by fire and betrayal, and this ending is the only one he allows himself to have.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope y'all liked it!!! This was beta by Icse and happygiraffe so lots of thanks to them for helping me put this together!!! I couldn't have done it without their help!<3 I promise my next ones will be fluffy and smutty!:)


End file.
